Stories from my 14-month study abroad in Buenos Aires, my 16-month post-college move to Miami, and my get-me-the-hell-out-of-Miami move to Denver

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Buenos Aires --> Washington D.C.

Hello,
I'm back (USA as my home) and I've left (Argentina as my home), but that's another post.

The Mac wasn't working so I had to pen down my thoughts as I was flying home from Argentina.

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April 14, 2009

I'm somewhere over South America and I feel absolutely empty. I thought I was prepared for my departure from Argentina, everything just seemed to be going so smoothly. However, I am just completely overwhelmed by emotions, thoughts about my friends, and the most about Anabel. Just seeing her in the bus station, I broke down and was finally able to cry. I had been trying to be the strong one, just saying how excited I was to be leaving, and I honestly didn't expect to be feeling like I do. I can't comprehend the fact that I won't be seeing these people for many many months.

Sudden crying urges just hit me and I've already used a handful of Kleenex. All my friends who have left told me it would be hard coming back, and I truly believed them. However, it wasn't until now, and actually experiencing it firsthand, that I really understand the sense of loss and emptiness. I always knew I had so much time left in Argentina ("I'll buy my flight home soon.") that I never really understood that sadness in their eyes as they were leaving for the airport. Now, I do.

Yes, the internet will make staying in touch with my friends very easy, but nothing can replace Juan asking, "Jonesy boy, queres un Fernet" , Eugenio yelling, "Tu vieja!", Pablo making his Boy voice, "Si si, a Boy le gusta vivir en Pramer" or Anabel shouting "Lechuga" at some irrational idea or plan. These, among so many more, are the memories that I will forever have from Argentina. "Che chicos, tengo una idea..."

Being on this airplane, leaving a place I have called home and the people I have called friends, is more emotionally painful than expected. I could have escaped all of this by never opening myself up to the experience, by closing people out of my life and living as the distant study abroad student. The pain, sadness, and sense of loss I feel right now show me, in the most real way possible, that I truly let these people into my life, that I didn't try to escape, and for that, I don't regret one thing and would do it all over again.
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3 comments:

Nora said...

AGUANTE PATRICK!

Eugenio said...

Patrick ya vas a volver!!! Y de vacaciones, por menos tiempo, así que no va a ser tan dura la vuelta!

Para nosotros también hay un vacío. Es raro entrar a la cocina y no verte preparando dos quilos de comida, cinco platos juntos a la vez, o tratando de, inútilmente, educar a Boy.

Un beso enorme enorme y hasta pronto!!

Anonymous said...

you don't need to be the tough one... what's the point? feel it completely, or otherwise why did you do it in the 1st place? to feel mediocre feelings? what a waste of life...do it completely or don't do it at all.